smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
