dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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