***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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