At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
