The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
