And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
