Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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