pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
