Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
