How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
