6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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