You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
