So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
