there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
