I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize