So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everclear isn't food dammit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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