i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
