I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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