Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
