lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
