I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
