His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize