the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize