Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
