I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
