what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
