Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
