Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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