Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Brb crying the tears of my youth
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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