i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
