6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
