Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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