forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
