life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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