If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
