it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
