My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
