I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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