I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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