I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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