I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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