When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
