I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
