Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize