I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
