I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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