I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
