My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
