How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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