Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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