i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
