People in love make me want to vomit
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As shirtless as possible
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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