Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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