we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
