oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
