what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
