oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
