You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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