so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize