i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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