A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
