I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
