my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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