Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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